Duncan Street Diaries

Growing Up

2010-03-22T17:30:00.000-07:00

I took this photo of Allison at school this morning. One of my most favourite times of the day is after the chaos of making breakfast, digging clothes out of the dryer that should have been folded and put away, seeing if we can all be dressed by the time Lady Gaga is finished singing about bad romances, stuffing homework into backpacks, and fighting over what shoes the diva is going to wear to school- my favourite part is our walk to school. The walk to school is getting more pleasant now that spring is here, and signs of life are peaking out from the ground- daffodils, crocuses and hyacinths now decorate our path to school.

Ally's little hand is in mine, and we talk, and sing.Or rather I sing and she tells me I can't sing Lady Gaga or Pearl Jam as good as Eddie Vedder. And it's just the two of us. And I cherish these moments. I cherish them so much, that I break out my droid phone and photograph the moment almost every morning. Most of the time, my subject usually hides her face behind a tree, her backpack, or she sticks her tongue out. But this morning, after arriving at school, she let me take her picture, to which I posted it to my Facebook account- because I'm convinced that everyone loves to look at Ally as much as I do.

After I got to work, I looked at the photo, and though she changed 5 last week, and she's been growing constantly for the past 5 years, developing into this amazing person, this photo took me by surprise. In this photo, there is no babiness, no toddlerness, it's a little girl. And it's the first time I've been slightly saddened by the quick passing years. And as I look at this photo, despite the days where being a mom is more challenging than having my nose hairs picked out one by a bulldozer, I'm struck by the awesomeness that is Allison, and how amazing this journey is.

2010-03-21T18:32:00.000-07:00

Spring has Sprung

In an attempt to become a real blogger, I've decided to try and start blogging on a daily basis. Even if it's just random rambling. Which most of my blog entries are anyway-some entries being more coherent than others.

Today's coherent entry is just random excitement that spring is here! This past weekend, the residents of our nation's capitol were able to expose skin that the sun has not seen in awhile, and finally get some doses of vitamin D that being snowed into our house for weeks almost succumbed us all to Rickets. It was a glorious weekend, and as we took the little cherubs to the park, my excitement for warm days ahead of us, was even more fueled by the dogwoods blooming in Lincoln Park, and being reunited with old friends at the playground. Yes, glorious spring.

Another sign for me that Spring is springing- is that we have begun our weekend ritual of trekking over to our neighborhood Mexican restaurant for chips, and most importantly- MARGARITAS! Pitchers and pitchers of glorious tequila and lime, to both make me feel tropical and to cure that pesky case of rickets I developed in February. These forays for liquid cheer, usually involve meeting friends to help us make the pitchers disappear. And being as tonights Margarita madness happened on a Sunday night, it gives me the strength to get through another week.

Thank you Spring for arriving, and none to late, to touch my soul with sunshine and 'ritas. Mmmm spring!

Freezbies

2010-02-18T11:18:00.000-08:00

My brain can often be a scary place where neurons bounce and dance around in complete random array. And this random bouncing around can result in some truly random thought process. Which the snow has inspired more bitterness and randomness than usual. I feel this paragraph is needed before you read any further.

So the biggest topic of at the moment is snow removal. My husband being all practical and stuff and thinks something like lasers will get rid of those snow mounds that will be here until July. And my response was yhea- Woolly Mammoths with lasers on their heads... Which resulted in a blank stare. Dude, come on- Woolly Mammoths with freaking lasers!

And than it hit me. Woolly Mammoths are big. And well Woolly Mammoth poop all over the city could even be more damaging than giant snow mounds...

So, I was like, hmmm something that will eat snow. And my biggest genius moment of the week is snow, ice eating zombies, that are repulsed by human flesh- I would call them Freezbies.

However, my friend brought up a very good point, what would happen once the ice and snow is gone- would they turn to dine on the brains of the city that once welcomed there presence? And I thought about putting a salt that had an ingredient in it that would make them allergic to human flesh, but how do you make something that is already dead allergic to something that is alive?

So after a long silence, my response was, magic. Cus well aren't' ice eating zombies already some kind of magic?

Snowmagaddeaon

2010-02-10T08:07:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm in hell, and in case you were wondering, it has indeed frozen over.

The first blizzard hit us Friday bringing us 20 inches of glorious white stuff. No, not cocaine, but snow. Lots and lots of snow. So we spent the weekend mostly inside venturing out here and there to build a snow fort, watched lots of movies courtesy of our new DVD Netflix streamer. We bonded. And than we fell apart.

And than just when were were feeling safe enough to come out,safe enough to go on with our lives. Mother Nature apparently was having a bad day, and dumped another 14 inches on us. Yeah.

In case you're not very good at math, that's a lot of fucking snow.

And, I don't want to complain, because though when looking out of the window, it looked like a Siberian wasteland. Unlike my parents, and many others we had power and were warm.

But because I am a cynic. I would like to point out some of the lessons learned this week.

1. Yes, I grew up in Pittsburgh, yes it's freaking cold there. That doesn't mean I like the cold, and it doesn't mean I should naturally be all able to tough it out. I hate ice, I hate cold, that is why I went to college in Texas. This is also why, with the exception of Seattle because that is a rain forest, will be the farthest north I ever live.

2.After watching hours and hours of Calliou, a PBS kids show about a kid and his family and the trials of being a big brother, I've come to the conclusion that Calliou's dad is a complete douchebag. And I have to hear his dad sing "Eggs, milk, flour and sugar, put them in a bowl and mix them all together"- I'm going to stab my eardrum.

3. I like having my job at my job. I like working 9-5 and when I leave work, I leave it at work. This past week was one of our busiest work weeks where we had meetings scheduled. And just because I blizzard hit us, didn't' stop the meetings. We had them all via conference call. They went surprisingly well, but on top of trying to keep the children from going all Lord of the Flies, I worked 12 hour days. I do need to put a shout out to Jason here who took the children out to various friends houses,and took the brunt of children while I worked and hid from the snow. I mean while I was passed out drunk....

4. Eggs and milk are not what you need to stock up on during a blizzard. It's wine, good cheese and toilet paper is what you need. It might be snowing outside, but it's so much prettier when you're on the sauce.

5. That though there is a giant pile of laundry, dishes to wash, and a house that needs cleaned, being snowed in for an entire week doesn't inspire you to do any of those things. What it does inspire you to do, is to sit in front of the t.v. and space out.

None of those lessons are inspiring or even funny. But the snow has made me bitter. And long for sunshine. In fact, the minute it gets sunny and warm, and you can't find me- I'd look for a large rock. Because I'm going to be basking on it, naked, in the sun trying to forget this dark, snowy time.

Temporary Good-bye

2010-01-23T12:34:00.001-08:00

My grandmother- Delores "Dee-Dee" Vargo - passed away this week. And though I'm saddened in the way the death makes us sad because it's final. I'm mostly comforted in knowing that she lived a full, long, and extraordinary life. Instead of falling into grief, I am embracing the memories and the wonderful amazing person she was.

My grandmother knew how to laugh at life. And when you were around her, you couldn't help but laugh as well. She touched everyone around her, and I remember the way her smile just lit your soul.

While other grandmas baked cookies and knitted sweaters. My grandmother could do neither. The cookies would have been charcoal and the sweater would have had been for an octopus. But what she could do was color some awesome princesses, put on a play, play dress up, slam down some brews, play a mean hand of old maid, teach you how to dance cheek to cheek, sing you to sleep with Mr. Sandman, show you the thrill of a roller coaster, watch old classics like "Gone With the Wind" and than reenact it with you, and give you dating advice such as date a boy even if you don't like him, he may have friends. These are just among many reasons that made her so unique and amazing.

I am lucky to have so many wonderful memories of my grandmother. And because Ally and Jack are so small, they will unfortunately not have the chance to know her. But I look forward to sharing the memories I have of her with them. That though they will only know her through a second hand experience, that they will know her.

This week, her children and grandchildren will gather, and as I see it, celebrate her life through stories. We will laugh through our tears, at the lifetime of memories and the lessons she taught us. And though the finality of death has taken her from this world, she will live on forever in our hearts and memories.

So I will not say goodbye, but instead- see you later.

Music Prodigy

2010-01-14T10:59:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, my favorite cousin was in town visiting from Seattle. Jaci, Ally and I piled into the car to head across town for lunch. Though Jaci is a hip little hispter with a soft spot for Indie bands, like me, she also has a soft spot for pop music. We turned up the radio and Lady Gaga started singing to us how she wanted a Bad Romance, and Jaci and I became her back up singers. At the top of our lungs we sang " I want your love and I want your revenge" and Ally soaked it up.

Turns out the song made quite an impression on her, and it just so happened I had a copy of it on my Ipod, so every time we got in the car we had to rock out to Gaga. Well, Ally is a child full of questions, and she sang she asked me "Mommy, what's a bad romance?". Well, I used my best judgment and felt like a full on description of girl meets boy, girl wants boy to make out with her over over again, girl screws boy over, but she wants him to avenge her to show he loves her may be a bit much. So I stuck with this: "Bad romance means she wants a boyfriend." Her other assessment of Lady Gaga was that she knew a lot of rhyming words.

That large lead up brings us to the following conversation Ally had with her friend Eddie as I walked them to school this morning. The conversation that has me questioning Ally's music education.

Ally: Hey Eddie! You know what my favorite song is? Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. You know what it means? It means she wants a boyfriend!

Eddie: My favorite song is Mary had a Little Lamb.

Ally: Oh, that's nice. My second favorite song is The Fixer by Pearl Jam. I saw Pearl Jam in concert, and after they sang my favorite song- I fell asleep! I slept through a Pearl Jam concert! Can you believe that?

Eddie: My second favorite song is Old MacDonald had a farm.

Now either Eddie is a four old boy of few words, or he just couldn't wrap his head around what a Pearl or a Gaga was. And for a moment I paused, and thought should we be doing less punk and rock, and more nursery rhymes? And the rock goddess in me shouted, hell no!- buy that girl a guitar, some doc martins, and rock out.

And than we came home and danced to Social Distortion and Destiny's Child and lived happily ever after.

Dude, I'm Baked

2010-01-10T16:59:00.000-08:00

So one of my NYE's resolutions was to do weekly blog entries. Well, over a week has passed and no blog entries. I have an entry that is a summary of 2009, and maybe someday it will get published. But as my attention span is so short- oh look something shiny- I'll ramble about something else.

One of my Christmas presents was a standing Kitchen Aid mixer. I've been wanting one for years, and well, I think Santa may have done one to many lines, because I don't think I've been that good this past year. But well, I'm enjoying Santa's little slip up. As I mix and mix, it's like- look mom no hands!

Ironcially enough, just like the rest of the planet, one of my NYE's resolution was to finally drop those pesky pounds that have been lingering on for the last few years. A 3 year break from exercise may be enough. But yet for the last few days I've found myself in the kitchen mixing all kinds of sugary and buttery goodness together, hoping that the heat will melt the calories away. And by some miracle of hope, that all the standing around as I bake will burn off enough that my ass won't look like a
giant snickerdoodle.

But than today as I challenged that dough hook to hook me up with some pizza crust, I convinced myself that I am being frugal and green. The pizza I made tonight cost less than an ordered pizza and I didn't kill any trees with a cardboard box. And the 7 dozen cookies- 2 different kinds- didn't come with any packaging.

So, one cookie at a time, I'm saving the planet, saving funds, and spreading world peace via happy taste buds.

Vedder Man

2009-06-22T12:09:00.000-07:00

The one or 2 readers of this blog probably know that my main celebrity squeeze is Eddie Vedder. And if you're so inspired you'll go back and read last summers blog entries on where his name appears quite a bit....

Eddie's voice first entered my life when I was 14 years old when I bought this new CD by this Band Pearl Jam who was causing all this stir. As I listened to Eddie rock and sing about bitter unrequited love (Black), and about misunderstood youth (Jeremy) and as the anger rolled off that album in glorious rifts, I thought, now this is someone who gets me.

Now, being 14 doesn't mean I was ready for commitment, and I went through a series of other rockers and pop stars who got me, and over time Eddie and I drifted apart, but would occasionally meet for a rendezvous. We got together for coffee over Yield and No Code, and we'd sip wine over Vitalogy. I was reminded of his sweet baritone voice and passion for making the world a better place again at years later at the Vote for Change concert when he showed how he can bring the house down again. But, the timing for something was off and I'd go my separate way. But Eddie was always in the back of my mind. And last summer he'd come running into my life again at full force.

If you have an amazing memory, you'll remember that it was around this time last year that I randomly received free tickets to a Pearl Jam concert at the Verizon Center here in DC. Jason has always been a huge Pearl Jam fan, and it just happened to coincide with our 10 year wedding anniversary. Our tickets were in the BET box, and it just so happened a colleague, Sarah had scored the same tickets. We settled into our box, and for the next 3 hours Pearl Jam rocked our faces off. And as I stared at Eddie with amazement, I fell in love again. He sang with passion and spoke about the upcoming election with more passion. And with every rift, and words, my heels fell over my head and I was hooked. Again.

The one or 2 readers of this blog will also remember, if they have nothing better to do than to read my not so updated blog every day because they miss seeing my witty views, that it was about this time last year that my fingers and toes started feeling numb and tingly, and than my legs felt like bricks and I could barely lift them to walk. And I would begin having daily make out sessions with the pavement. And it never once bought me a drink. And if you read this blog, you'll remember I was diagnosed with Guillan-Barre Syndrome, a autoimmune disorder in which your immune system starts attacking the peripheral nervous system. It’s a curable, and usually it goes away in time, but getting over it is the difficult part. After your immune system is done kicking your nervous systems butt, you now need to learn how to use your body again, and some how get it back to normal. (My blog entries from last summer chronicle this in more detail.)

I was very lucky to have a mild case, I didn't require hospitalization. However, I still had to regain strength in my body. And I had to get Gravity to stop picking on me and pulling me down on to every sidewalk I passed. Getting better meant months of physical and occupational therapy. Getting better meant having to put my pride down for moment and let the amazing people surrounding me help me. Which they did, and I'm forever in debt.

At every PT and OT appointment I had Pearl Jam in my ears, they pissed me off enough to give me the strength to kick this things ass. And Eddie's Into the Wild Soundtrack gave me the inspiration to be better. When Eddie was singing to me, everything was going to be okay.

And because this post is so long, my one reader will now remember how Eddie came to DC last summer to do a solo show. It was amazing. He ravished me with every chord. I telepathically communicated with him thanking him. You'll remember how after the show my friends Sarah and Suzanne waited for him, but alas I had to be a good mother and go home to relieve the sitter. And how for months I lived vicariously through them. And though I was insanely jealous, knew that I would I get my chance.

In April, I stepped out of my office and came back with several post it notes all over it from Sarah, about the urgency of a very important matter. I called Sarah, and it was an Urgent matter. Eddie Vedder was going back on tour and was doing a show in Baltimore, and as Ten Club members we had chance to be in the lottery of pre-sale. Well, our luck didn't pan out for pre-sale, but it did for public sale and we scored tickets. The show wasn't' until June, and we would spend the next 2 months waiting in anticipation for the show.

June 15 came and Sarah, Jason, Suzanne and i piled into a Prius, as only Eddie would, and headed up to Baltimore, to once again have Eddie rock our faces off. He's amazing with Pearl Jam, but his solo shows are phenomenal. He sings and tells little stories. And once again, Sarah, Suzanne and gripped hands as he sang to us. And my crush kept growing. If you can believe that. I was no longer head over heels, I was back flip over back flip.

And now for the moral part of the story:Boys and girls, don't ever let anyone tell you you can't do something or that dreams can' t come true.

And than it happened. I MET EDDIE FREAKING VEDDER.

Sarah, Jason and I along with 30 other fans (Suzanne sadly had to leave) ,stood outside to get a glimpse of the Vedder himself. The bodyguard came out and laid down the law: no autographs, no photos with him, and no hugging, they apparently had had a crazy hugger the night before. (Damn crazy obsessed fans. ;))

And than there he was. He had a big smile on his face, a Corona Light in one hand, a cigarette in the other. His amazingness right in front of me. My body was shaking. He went to every fan and looked them all in the eye and shook their hand. He look genuinely happy and humbled to meet all these people who just wanted one moment to thank him. I was in awe, I was finally so close to my crush, someone who''s music who helped me cope, and whose political and environmental activism inspired me and he was everything I imagined.

And than there he was in front of me taking my hand looking me in the eye. As his eyes locked with mine and his hand entwined with mine, I was awestruck. And with my shaky voice I thanked him for his music helping me over the last crazy year, a very brief synopsis of what went down, and he gazed at me and though my memory is hazy, I remember his look on my face, the words "you're amazing'' and "You did that!" My amazing husband photo documented the moment. And Sarah was by my side.

And, just when I thought, I could break up with Eddie Vedder after meeting him. That we could move on our separate ways. I'd still listen to Pearl Jam but with a fondness and nostalgia.

And than he looked at me like that, and the world went spinning in circles. And I knew this crush wasn't going anywhere. It had been fueled. I was back spring, somersault, head over heels over and over again in love.

I like when the universe who has been kicking you in the shins, gives you a little break, and reminds you that the kicking is so that rewards like this can be truly appreciated.

Of course in my delusional mind, EV can't get me out his mind either, and he is going to search the world high and low to find me. And next time we meet, it's going to be over a beer. Because the Universe can never be to nice.

Bacon, I wish I could quit you

2009-01-28T19:29:00.000-08:00

A few months ago while reading Ally one of her favorite stories at the time- a book about the Arctic Food Chain (oh the curse of having science dorks for parents), Ally decided that she herself no longer wanted to eat animals. As the seals and whales did.

I having once been a vegetarian myself, supported her decision and did the best I could to accommodate this need. Well, it soon came to light that she didn't fully comprehend the concept of what not eating animals meant, I continued to feed her the little furry creatures but disguised them with clever names like burgers, hot dogs and bacon. I'm so sneaky.

I'm going to need to stop reading her books. They keep giving her ideas... Tonight while reading another book about a vegetarian vampire who is addicted to candy, Ally once again pointed out her need to be a vegetarian. I being less sneaky, pointed out that this would be fine, but that she would no longer be able to eat burgers, hot dogs or bacon. This idea seemed okay for a page or two, and than she began to cry. Big hysteric crying.

She turned to me with a face of pain and concern: " I don't want to be a vegetarian if I can't eat bacon!"

I held her close, and sighed a sigh of relief, now knowing that despite the blond hair and fair skin, she is indeed my child. As I too, can't quit you bacon.

The Demise of Duster

2008-10-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, courtesy of Ally's imagination, we have had a guest in our home by the name of Duster. Duster the pink dog cat who's favorite food is tofu. As the weather turned cold, and Ally asked us why, we told her Old Man Winter was returning to us after a spring time hiatus. Ally told us it was not Old Man Winter, but Old Man Duster.

Well, the Old Man is certainly on his return as it was a quite blustery cold day yesterday. As I picked up Ally from school yesterday this discussion occured to where I found out about the fate of Duster.

Me: It's cold! Old Man Duster is here!

Ally: Not Old Man Duster! Old Man Winter!

Me: Where is Duster.

Ally: He died.

Me: What? What happened?

Ally: He was driving his car and a dinosaur picked it up and put in his mouth and
ate him!

Me: Where was the dinosaur?

Ally: At the zoo.

So hat's off to you Duster, what a way to go out.

Missing In Action

2008-10-08T18:17:00.000-07:00

It's not like I've ever been a religious blog writer. Though I have fleeting moments of the mind all the time, and think to myself, Oh I so need to blog that. Given my short attention span, I write the idea in my notebook and move on the next crisis. However, I as of late have a small audience, thus should be a little more dedicated to my updating you all on my crazy mis-adventures. And so I hope over the next few months to staple myself to my office chair and write about my most heinous moments to my friends and family and the complete stranger.

Of course some of you are probably wondering where I've been over the last month. Or maybe I think to highly of myself and maybe most of you are relieved that I haven't' been cluttering the Internet with useless ramblings.

Well, since I do think highly of myself, I will give you the top 10 highlights of what myself and my loved ones have been up to since I disappeared from cyberspace over a month ago.

1. I started a new job. It's still at AAAS but I'm in a different program. I'm now managing a fellowship program. It's been awesome so far I'm enjoying myself.

2. We went on a family vacation to Cape Hatteras, NC with my parents. The kids loved the beach and Jason and I learned that if we ever want to seriously end our marriage, all we need to do is get lost for 2 hours and find a divorce attorney hitch-hiker.

3.We've started trying to get more organized and succeeding on some level. My new job is more demanding in it's taking a lot more organization to get out of the door. For those who know me, this is a huge step.

4. I've started teaching High School Sunday School. Insert hysterical laughing here. Given my new business, I've only been available to teach one class so far. But, the one class I taught was fun. I do see some future blog entries on that.

5. Jack is walking. He so tears it up. And he is starting a short vocabulary and is starting to beat up his sister. Pay back is such a bitch.

6. I had my first parent/teacher conference with Ally's teacher, and so far she hasn't been expelled for organized crime, so far so good. It sounds like school Ally should come and live with us....

7. I've started seriously taking an effort in making my house look the way I want. I want a nice house, and have started looking into creative and cheap ways to do that..... I see a few more blog entries on that.

8.I'm still fighting Guillan-Barre and it's been a very difficult process. Just when i think I 'm doing awesome, I have yet another make out session with the sidewalk. Awesome. If only the sidewalk was Eddie Vedder, than I would totally kick gravity out of my life.... But as we know the sidewalk is not Eddie Vedder so wish that gravity would stop messing with me. Once again, more on that topic to come at later time.

9. My best friend Katie moved across the country to Pullman, Washington and I feel like I've lost a limb. It's so sad when you're old and it's still traumatizing when you're friends move away. The good news is I'm taking a solo trip to visit her in November.

10. I've been introduced to The Flight of the Conchords and their lyrics and the show is just pure genius. It's just funny and on days that I want to bang my head against the wall I just need to picture Jermaine and Bret singing and well the world is a better place. Of course Eddie Vedder is holding me as the Conchords sing, but the world is still a better place.

I don't know if the list is any particular order, but that's what's been going on. So now I'm back. And I have no mission but to clutter cyberspace with some more crap.

What a Year!

2008-08-29T12:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Jack:

Yesterday was August 28th and you my boy, turned one years old. What a year it's been! On your first birthday you awoke at 4 am and I in my sleep induced swagger, stumbled into your room to feed you your bottle. And as I sat there holding your little body in my arms, my mind wondered to where we were a year ago.

One year ago at 4 am on August 28th you were four hours old. Your entry into this world was not an easy one for either of us. You were very content in your the underwater world of the womb and you did not want to leave. You were two weeks late, you put your momma in 2 days of heavy labor and finally you said hello. But those first cries a mother waits to hear, did not escape your lungs, as you my boy were not breathing when you were born. The NICU team did an amazing job of bringing your lungs to life, and after they let me hold you for about 2 seconds they whisked you off to the NICU to put you on a respirator and to do some tests.

Finally at 4 am one year ago, on my way to the post partum unit, they wheeled me into the NICU so I could hold your fragile little body. You were so tiny. I didn't want to let you go. But alas, I had to go, and leaving you was very hard. But I knew you were in good hands. You were only 4 hours old, but you had a large population cheering for you.

Later on that day, you were taken off the respirator because you could breathe on your own. And were moved to another area of the NICU. You had to stay there a week and your father and I were there every day. Leaving you at the end of the day was the toughest part, but I knew it wouldn't be long until you would come home.

You were finally strong enough to come home, and surviving the NICU was nothing to surviving your big sister. She loves you so much, and though sometimes that love is shown by hugging you a little too tight around the neck or throwing toys at your head she really does love you. I spent the first 6 months of your life home with you and than I had to go back to work full time.

Though I don't get as much time with you as I would like, every moment with you Jack is amazing. You are growing up to be one funny little boy.

You have the biggest 4 teeth smile and the curliest brown hair. I can test how humid a day is by the curliness of your hair. You love music. Any kind of music, you smile, laugh and clap. Though as of late Pearl Jam appears to be your fave. Perhaps you will grow up and rock some awesome tunes on a guitar.

You also love to eat. I have yet to find a food you don't' like.

You my little boy have grown up very, very fast. You have smile that is contagious.

You've started walking and everything is an adventure. And there are so many other adventures awaiting you.

I look forward to getting to know you more. I love you Jack!

Mama

To Future Appointments With The Principal

2008-08-26T10:17:00.000-07:00

As noted in my previous blog entry yesterday was Ally's first day of school. I picked her up with out incident and heard all about her new friends, her nice teacher and the eternal bounty of crayons.

That evening after dinner however I got a glimpse into the academic future of my child. If not stimulated, the teacher better watch out. Ally is a mastermind.

After drinking her milk, Ally held the plastic cup up to her mouth, and began imitating the principal talking on the intercom "STUDENTS! STUDENTS! GET TO YOUR CLASS" and than began laughing mercilessly. "MAMA, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT MAN TALKS LIKE THAT" and than again began the routine.

Though I'm her mother, and claim that my child is very ahead of the curve. I couldn't believe my 3 year old was already making fun of the principal. I totally had to give her props.

And than I began practicing reciting my speeches to the principal. I may want to have a few on hand.....

Separation Anxeity

2008-08-25T07:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Ally:

Today was your first day of pre-school. We have spent much time preparing for it. Telling you all about all the new friends you're going to meet, going and getting your new school supplies- everything pink. A pink Hello Kitty Backpack, a pink princess lunch box and of course pink sequined shoes. We had to jazz up your uniform a little bit, as you do shine so bright.

I took the day off for this momentous occasion. Yesterday we laid your uniform out, labeled everything you own with a sharpie, baked cookies and packed your lunch. We were all set.

You woke up this morning with much energy and excitement on putting on your new uniform and pink sparkly shoes. We packed your back pack, loaded your brother into the stroller and began the 5 block journey.

The cafeteria was insanity with over 200 excited kids and anxious parents. You held on to my hand and kept looking up at me with those giant eyes full of fear and excitement. Finally they called your class and we went up to meet your teacher, you kept asking me "Are you going to stay?" I told you I would as long as I could. We all marched to your classroom where we hung up your back pack and you had to pick a letter to sit on. I placed you next to a girl named Ella, her mother and I were in the same birthing class when we were pregnant with you and her, and her mother and I decided that you should be letter friends. You and Ella gripped hands as though you've been best friends forever.

Your teacher seemed very nice as she explained the day, and told all of us that there would be tears and that it would all be okay. You kept looking back at me to make sure I was still there.

It was now time for your class to line up and go to art class. The parents followed and at a certain point, there were double doors that your class went through, but the parents just stopped and watched as you all were led on. You were crying and the teacher had to pick you up. I wanted to go to you, hold you and tell you it was all going to be okay, but I knew this was an adventure, the first of many, that you had to do on your own.

I cried on the way home. Not because I just left you in the hands of complete strangers I'm entrusting to teach you not only the alphabet, but life skills. I cried because, you my amazing girl, are growing up. You don't need me in the same ways you once did. And though infancy was a huge challenge for both of us, I shudder at the new challenges that are being set before us. Did I buy you the right back pack? Should I have packed you one more piece of fruit? Did I give you the right skills to stand up for yourself?

This is just the beginning of many questions I'll ask in the raising of you. There are so many things I wish for you, but the main thing I wish for you is to be happy.

So my beautiful girl, I will sit in anxiety for the next 6 hours until I pick you up and hear about your day.

I love you Allison Rose, and am so proud of you for so many reasons.

Love,

Your Mama

Hot Mama

2008-08-24T16:54:00.000-07:00

So it's been an interesting week since my last post. I'm beginning to think that getting over the disappointment of not meeting The Vedder has done something to my body making me send out some very powerful pheromones.... Perhaps it was fate we did not meet, perhaps Eddie could not have handled my hotness.

Now I suppose my one reader, or maybe two your wondering what on earth could II be referring too. Well in the past week, I've been one one date- and not w. my husband-, had at least 3 people tell me I was hot, and had one woman at the playground I had Jack's birthday party at tell me I was "sexy". Yes, all of the above statements are true, and as I write, yes I'm sober.

The week started when and old friend I've recently regained contact told me that I was the only person he knew that wore their inside beauty on the outside. The quote was: "I'm not sure you could hide your inner beauty if you tried. It's infectious.
People feel instantly loved by you, in a completely non-threatening way, so they can't help but love you back. It's almost reflexive."

I've never been so honored in my life. And the more I thought about it. The more I realized it was true. So maybe this sparked the confidence I've been needing to make me more comfortable in my own skin for the others to view me as the hot mama I am.

The week continued on with dinner with a someone I helped out a lot this summer. We had a delicious dinner and excellent conversation. Not wanting the fun to end we continued on to my hang out for bar trivia. We lost, but not before he told me I was hot and that I had nice legs. Upon returning home, I realized that I had just gone on a date. And as far as first dates go, it was one of my better ones. My husband is a saint for putting up with my shenanigans! And for allowing me to date..

The topper was on Saturday when I was at the park setting up for Jack's birthday party when a woman came over to help me. We were talking when she started looking me up and down and told me I was sexy. Though honored by her come on, I'm not really sure how of the etiquette of being hit on by other moms at the playground. Given my recent experiences, I may want to look into it. Perhaps that's my next project.

Given everything I've been through this summer with dealing with my new body, these compliments were welcomed. They were just what I needed to help me cope.

Now with all this flattery laid before me, I hope to handle it all responsibly. I'm now at Hot Mama status. Insert cougar growl here....

Pure Joy and Bittersweetness

2008-08-18T07:02:00.000-07:00

So last night was the long awaited Eddie Vedder show. And it did not dissapoint and lived up to all of my excpecations. And made me want more.

The moment was also much wanted as I 've been home alone with Jack all weekend, Jason and Ally have gone to Texas. Jason escorted her down there so she could spend the week with her grandparents. He's back tonight and Ally comes back on Friday. Jack is teething and has an ear infection so he's been a little grumpy. My fabulous friends Robb and Erin babysat him while I went and spent 3 hours in pure bliss.

I saw Pearl Jam in June and that was amazing. But last nights gathering at the Warner Theatre was so intimate and wonderful. It was like he was playing in my living room. Every song was amazing and as his voice belted through the theatre, I felt like he was ravishing me with every chord.

My friends Suzanne and Sarah and I grasped hands during almost the whole show as we were at the end of our seats. We clung to every note and every word as he spoke.

He preformed every song off the Into the Wild Soundtrack and did a few Beatles and other covers. And I soaked in every moment. I almost lost it though when he sang "Throw Your Arms Around Me" one of my favorites. " I'll kiss you in 195 different places.." Oh Eddie, kiss me. I'm pretty sure I left nail marks on the wooden balcony that was in front of me.

After the show, being the groupies we are- ha ha- we went to the back of the Warner Theatre and waited with about 25 other people for him to emerge. At midnight I had to leave to come home to Jack. But my friends stayed and at 2 AM The Vedder emerged, and talked to the group and than shook every one's hands. My friends say he was so nice and I love hearing the stories, as I'm living vicariously through them. Ah, being a responsible grown up is no fun sometimes.

But someday, I'll get to meet him in person and thank him for being here and bringing such amazing music into our souls. Thank you Eddie, Thank you. Until I can thank you in person.

Photos courtesy of Suzanne. First one is me and Sarah outside of the Warner Theatre before the show. Second and third is a photo Suzanne took when he came out to meet everyone. Oh I'm so going to have my chance!

Keen Style

2008-08-14T16:57:00.000-07:00

This represents an average evening in the Dorazio-Sanders Household. It's called Ally finds many pieces of random clothing and tries to put them all on at once.

This fine oufit is brought to you by a baby tie died shirt that hasn't fit her since she was about 11 months old, a bathing suit from last summer that is also too small, pants from this season, and what outfit is not complete without a tiara AND a magic wand. I mean serioulsy guys, please don't tell me you leave home with out the last 2 items- that is a fashion sin!

While wearing this particular outfit, Ally danced around screaming Avril Lavigne "Hey!Hey!Hey! I don't like your girlfriend! I think you need a new one" and telling me she wanted to go on a vacation in Miami. Something tells me.she'd almost blend in wearing this ansamble.

Feeling Around in The Dark

2008-08-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

So my healing from Guillan-Barre continues.....

I went to the neurologist a few weeks ago and he says I have a long way to go, but I'm healing nicely. He checked my reflexes and well, they are pretty much gone and not coming back. They were never cat-like to begin with, so if I'm going to be a super hero, I'm probably going to have the super power of invisibility.

I've also started Physical Therapy last week. With most PT patients the slogan is "No Pain, No Gain." Not so much in my case... The PT said with GBS patients you can't push us to far or more damage will be caused. In PT right now we're focusing on strenghtnng my core being my legs like to give out when I'm walking so I can rely on my core for support rather than my weak legs. Other exercises for the week are leg massage- to get my body used to touch again as my nerve endings are in constant pain and any stimulation to them hurts. I'll be going to PT twice a week for awhile.

Yesterday was my firts Occupational Therapy appointment, and well my manual dexterity, feeling and strength is pretty much non-existent. She did some tests yesterday to see where I was and well we have a long way to go. She did a test to see how much weight I could handle, I had to squeeze the handle of this instrument. The average score for a person my age is 60 pounds, I could only handle 14 pounds. So getting into fights with old people at this point is not a good idea. Other tests for my hands skills were to dig in a bowl of rice for various objects- pennies, paper clips- for 5 minutes blindfolded. Well, my right had could find 3 and my left had could fine 1. The OT seems to think that we'll be able to save my hands somewhat, but we are defiantly working on a timeline. So I was sent home w. more exercises. I'll also have OT twice a week.

On top of learning to use my body again, my biggest complaint is the fatigue. I'm so tired it hurts to move. I'm not use to having such low energy, and I'm so tired it hurts. I believe I could sleep anywhere these days.

I'm also still in a lot pain. The doctor said he could prescribe me some meds, but they have some strong side effects. I'd rather trudge through, than have any more to deal with.

Our niece left on Saturday after being here for 2 weeks and that was glorious! Having extra hands at night to help with the kids and dinner was marvelous. She even watched the kids when I need to rest for a few which was more than welcomed. Now she's gone and it's back to balancing it all.

I'm hoping to go back to more frequent entries in my blog, as I'm learning I have an audience. The last few weeks have been crazy, but things are calming down as much as they can and I hope to amuse you all with more amusing tales.

The Wierd Leading the Wierd

2008-07-30T17:01:00.000-07:00

I'm weird. I blame this on my parents. The path to me being a weird an unique individual was set for me in the first grade when I innocently asked for a pair of Jordache jeans- yes I come from a time when Jordache was fashionable- because all the other girls in my class had a pair. My mother told me no because people like you for who are, not for what you wear. Thus as 6 year old not wearing Jordache jeans I was to charm the folks with my fabulous personality. Thus being the catalyst for me being weird.

This no Jordache Jean has led me to a life of bizarreness. I choose my pizza topics based on weather that day I think they may be having a personality conflict. I wear combinations that may not really be worn together. I have a very strange sense of humor and for that sometimes even have a hard time getting myself.

Now, as a grown up being weird and a true eclectic individual has carved me an interesting path. One being that I somehow have found the other kids in the class whose parents also did not allow them to wear Jordache Jeans. And together we have created our own little weird Utopian society. No Jordache Jeans allowed.

I've talked of these people before and everyday I realize how destined we all were to find each other. Even when I may not get my sense of humor, they do.

And on Saturday this became clear as had our First Annual ArgoCrew family reunion. It was the weird being reunited with the weird. We had egg tosses and it was perfectly normal that adults were tossing around eggs. We had three legged races and it was okay that professional adults were using bondage as a sort of entertainment. We laughed and talked of topics that made no sense to anyone but us.

And I look at my Ally and Jack. Because my parents, their grandparents were the catalyst of them having weird mother, hence weird "Aunts" and "Uncles". Are they too destined for weirdness?

I'm considered strange by many of Ally's friends parents for not allowing her to watch Television. And this has been a catalyst for creativity and a grand imagination. Duster, the tofu eating pink dog-cat who emails his friend the possum came into our lives due to this weirdness. Jack's weirdness has not been tested yet.

So if awesome friends, creative children and a pet duster are what I get for not being able to wear Jordache jeans, maybe being weird isn't so bad.

Gravity, You Got Served

2008-07-23T17:57:00.000-07:00

This Guillan-Barre thing has been quite a ride. A few weeks ago I could feel my body failing me and now I can feel my body getting stronger. It's so bizarre.

I haven't fallen in over a week so that's quite a bit of improvement. Gravity hasn't been taking me down, and I have to say I kind of miss the Hello Kitty band-aids adorning my knees. I'm feeling tattoo.

My legs are still weak. Though I can feel a big difference compared to a few weeks ago, stairs are still a little difficult. It takes me a little while but with every step I feel some strength coming back. I'm keeping my fingers crossed about my big race in October. I'm feeling a little hopeful. We'll see.

Oddly, even without my running, yoga and pilates, I've still managed to lose 6 pounds. I'm not complaining, but I' a little flabbergasted. I may have the makings of a new diet plan. Making out with the sidewalk at least once a week is amazing for a shrinking waist line!

My arms are still weak, holding the giant baby Jack can be pretty painful. But his little chubbiness is worth every minute. My manual dexterity comes and goes. It seems to be worse in the morning. Sometimes I drop my spoon because I can't hold it. And forget opening a yogurt container. Hell right now for me would be me trapped on a desert island with nothing to eat but yogurt with really tight aluminum lids. I guess another secret in the Guillan-Barre weight loss program.

My niece comes on Saturday to help us out. I'm really looking forward to having her assistance, as I start Physical and Occupational Therapy soon and will be able to focus on getting better.

Well, that's the Guillan-Barre update for this week and how I served Gravity.

Big Underwear

2008-07-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

A discussion had in the wee early mornings.

Ally: I'm growing taller and taller and when I get big you're going to have to share your underwear.

Me: I am?

Ally: Yes you have to share.

Me: You really want to wear my underwear?

Ally: Yes. And I grew last night so I'm going to have to wear your underwear today.

Me: But you're underwear are cuter.

Ally: I want to wear your blue underwear.

Me: My blue underwear?

She shakes her head yes. I stumble to my underwear drawer and pull out a GIANT blue pair. She takes off her properly fitting Elmo ones and offers them to me to wear. I put them on my head. She laughs and puts on the GIANT blue panties. They of course fall off her little body. But the little fashion engineer she is she puts her arms through the legs so that the sides are resting on her shoulder so she looks like a little Borat.

Ally: They Fit! I grew!

And she runs down the stairs for breakfast. I decide to let her father talk her into more sensible underwear.

Or try and shrink this pair.....

Reflections Of My 12 Year Old Self

2008-07-17T10:17:00.000-07:00

It's 1988, my best friend and I have gotten permission from our parents to attend the New Kids On The Block concert. We have their credit cards in our hands, we can barely breathe as we wait in line to score a shot of scoping out Jordan or Donny or Jonathan or Joey or Danny. Because as we both know they are so going to see us, our faces our going to stand out among the millions and millions of screaming tweens and they are going to want us. There going to invite us backstage to drink kool-aid and eat oreos because we are the coolest. It's me, my best friend and NKTOB for evah.

Alas, we get to the glass with a giant sign: SOLD OUT!

And our dreams our crushed.

I discovered a few weeks ago, that though music tastes change, I'm still a 12 year old girl. I'm now a punk, rock and roll 12 year old girl with a wine mustache. Screw the kool-aid.

My friend who was at the AMAZING Pearl Jam concert with me a few weeks ago made the discovery that EDDIE FREAKING VEDDER was coming to DC in August to do a solo show. We than plotted our scheme for securing tickets. We would come together at 10 am, she would troll the EVIL ticketmaster online and I would stalk them by phone.

We would be hearing his sweet, melancholy, beautiful baritone voice. We were determined and fearless. We would take on evel Ticketmaster and we would win.

10 am comes she logs on, I dial. I now hear ticketmaster telling me to be calm and patient as a representative would be with me shortly. Lady I don't want shortly, I want NOW, you know who Eddie Vedder is right? And he's coming to DC twice in one summer because he loves me and my friend. Because he saw us all the way from afar at the PJ show in June, and now wants us closer.

My friend is now refreshing and refreshing the computer as no seats become available.(I HATE YOU TICKETBROKERS)

At 10:15 a representative tells me the show is sold out.

WHAT! We begin to sob in hystercis as our dreams of running off with The Vedder are crushed by an 18 year old phone operator who has no idea who he is.

Wait what is that sunlight- another friend tells us to walk to the theatre where he is preforming and sometimes they have extra tickets.

We look at each other and run the 3 blocks to the theatre. Well my friend runs, I do my new duck wierd run/walk thing and pray I stay upright. Falling means lost time. No time! No time!

Tired, worn and emotionality drained, we look at the lady through the glass.

"Can I help you?"

If you value your life ticket lady you'd better be able to help us.

"Do you happen to have any Eddie Vedder tickets available"

She types at her computer. Seconds turn into hours, hours become days, I'm freebasing Xanax at this point. Something my 12 year old self would have found very beneficial.

"I do" she says.

"WE LOVE YOU TICKET LADY!!!"

She hands our tickets, which are now being stored in temperature controlled golden vault at the bottom of Fort Knox.

My 32 year old self had more luck. We're coming Danny, Donnie, Jordan, Jonathan, Joey. I mean Eddie.

And my 12 year old self cried in victory. Victourious we had gotten tickets. And victorioius we had for once won over Ticketmaster. We got our tickets the Vedder way.

Now That's Poopy

2008-07-16T07:34:00.000-07:00

The last few days in our house have been chaos. Not that unusual for any household with a pre-schooler and an almost toddler. What has made our last few days crazy is poop. Lots and lots of poop.

Ally's digestive system can be on the sensitive side. And our weekend eating habits were less than gastro friendly. On Saturday night we went to a barbecue at a friends house were her Argentinian husband cooked as only Argentinian can. He cooked lots and lots of meat. One word- Meatgasm. It was awesome, but as we don't eat a lot of meat in our house all of our belly's were a little woozy.

We followed that up on Sunday with lunch at Long John Silvers. Which is really rough on my non-holding gallbladder body. It didn't do too well on Ally either as she spent the rest of Sunday running to the potty screaming "I NEED TO POOOOOOOOOP".

Monday morning was greeted with changing her underwear twice before I left for work and her screaming her new word of the month " I HAVE DIARRHEA!" and than made song up about it. "DIARRHEA IS IN MY BUUUUUTTTTTTTTT!" I 'm feeling Grammy Nomination.

Oh and did I mention that during all of this pooping- the toilet broke? Oh yhea, toilet wouldn't flush. Can we say AHHHHHHHSOME!

Jason stayed home with her on Monday, as we feared a phone call from the school and dehydration. They had a fun day of fixing the toilet and napping.

We thought she was better, but Tuesday morning was followed up me changing her underwear 3 times before leaving for work. And another song about diarrhea. And another day home with dad this time going to the hardware store that gives her toys and her dad buying her "sfrinkle" donuts.

We went to friends house for dinner last night where Ally felt the need to share her ailment by screaming at dinner "I HAVE DIARRHEA!" That's always good dinner party conversation.

Everything seemed fine this morning and when I shared the bad news that her butt was fine and that there would be no day of donut eating and playgrounding, she of course had a meltdown. "I WANT MY DIARRHEA BACK!" was well the obvious response.

My response was "someday".

Films About Ghosts

2008-07-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

As my cleaning project continued this weekend, I developed a greater appreciation for digital photos as I muddled through boxes and boxes and boxes of photos. And as I looked at each photo, lifetimes flashed behind me.

I found photos of my former self as a little girl wearing a mask scaring my little brother. Photos of my keen fashion sense as a tween. Neon colored fruit pants and striped shirts w. jelly shoes is really a trend that has yet to hit the market. Photos of our childhood summers spent at the beach as we built castles and pulled practical jokes on each other. My former girl self. Free and careless.

And than of course the college photos. Many taken with too much alcohol involved. Many taken with the hopes none of us will be running for public office in the near future. However, I could become a wealthy woman due to blackmail should that happen. Photos of us in costumes,and no it's not Halloween, playing croquet at midnight.

Photos of road trips. Jason and I have driven across this country probably about a dozen times. We have photos of the largest ball of twine, Gus the Dog in New Orleans in front of Cafe Du Monde before he ate a benet and took a giant dump in the French Quarter. Photos of lighthouses from every coast.

All sorts of photos of my various adventures. Lakes in Minnesota in the early morning light with the mist dancing off the tops. Tops of Mountains in Alaska reached only by taking 3 days to backpack to the top and than dancing in the snow in the middle of August. Distant Mayan ruins in Mexico where the monkeys chattered chooed and we swam in the forbidden pools in the rain forest.

Photos of friends and family who have gone too soon. My grandpa's, Jason's Grandpa's, our dear friend Mr. Breen. Friends that I've lost touch with but miss dearly.

Yet, as I muddled through the piles and boxes of photos and the 1/2 dozen photo albums I have bought to store them in, I realized that as nice as digital photography is, sitting at the computer and searching various files looking at photos doesn't have the same feeling of nostalgia.

I took the photos and diligently placed them back into their various shoe boxes, and the ghosts smiled back at me knowing that it wouldn't be long until I was back.

I may have some printing and shoe shopping to do.

(I owe the title of this post to a line from the Counting Crow'song- Mrs. Potters Lullaby- not my own creative psyche.)

Random Ramblings

2008-07-11T10:52:00.000-07:00

My mind has just been reeling the last few days. I feel like I've been on a 3 day heroin binge and am now just coming out it. Woah!

My decluttering project is coming along nicely. The guest bed is piled 20 garbage bags high awaiting the coming of the Salvation Army tomorrow. All is left to do is to organize some of the stuff that is in there, and give it a good cleaning. Oh and an IKEA Trip. What better way to celebrate the clearing out of stuff but by buying new stuff?

I have to say the feeling I'm having of accomplishing the decluttering project is quite freeing and I look forward to throwing out more crap.

On other fronts, my body is beginning the slow process of healing on it's own. I still walk like a duck and feel like I could fall asleep anywhere, the exhaustion is well exhausting. It's funny starting to get some feeling back in my limbs after not having it so long. My muscles feel very sensitive right now. And gravity is still not my friend. This morning I was bending down to get Ally a shirt out of a drawer and I sneezed. Well the sneeze caused my muscles to tense and feel like 10,000 needles were in them and I fell right over. Ally was very confused by this. One minute I'm upright, the next I'm like a domino on the ground. I just told her that gravity is always pulling us down.

I don't start Physical Therapy for 4 more weeks. I still can't believe that's the earliest appointment I could get. But it is what it is, and in the mean time I'm hoping to remain up right.

The hardest part is caring for 2 kids and house with limited mobility. My saving grace the last week has been a kiddie pool and a toy kitchen my mom bought the kids last weekend. At first I thought she was nuts when she purchased this GIANT toy kitchen that I was going to have to tie on to the top of my car, along with a kayak, but it's been awesome. And she got a deal on it. The kitchen is living on our back patio until a time to be determined.

When I pick up the kids I'm alone with them for about 2 hours until Jason comes home. Not normally a big deal, but when you can't button your own shirt, taking care of someone else becomes very difficult. Esp. when they can't button their own shirts either.

It's been a zillion degrees so as soon as we come home the pool goes up and the splash time begins. This keeps them entertained for about an hour and keeps me sane for about 15 minutes. Jack loves splashing and crawling around. Ally loves incorporating her cooking skills in with the water. Last night she made Jack Unicorn Stew. I asked her where she got the Unicorn and I was told by a magical fairy that lives in the oven of her kitchen.

My mom got some deal.

Catharsis

2008-07-08T19:22:00.001-07:00

So I've begun my journey of getting rid of my clutter. And it is AHHHHSOME! I almost peed myself with glee tonight as I went into the guest room armed with garbage bags and started throwing crap into them.

Our guest room where some would say a guest may sleep has become the cemetary for useless crap like old baby stuff, clothes we will never where again and the computer carcasses that Jason has ripped apart.

Our niece is coming to stay with us in couple of weeks to help us out while I get better and I would hate for her to sleep in a closet. So tonight, I attacked that room like Rocky Balboa on a mission. Oh yhea, I made that room my bitch.

So, now the guest bed is piled high with about 15 bags of useless crap, that hopefully someone will find useful. My guardian angel, Susan, is helping me tackle this debacle. She arranged for a Salvation Army pick up on Saturday, which is one reason it's all going so quickly. Which I'm thankful for the kick in the pants.

I feel great today about what I accomplished last night. I feel awesome about the clutter I'm about to get rid of and how awesome it's all going to be. I'm making an Ikea trip this weekend to get some cute curtains and other items to beautify the room.

This decluttering thing and I may get along just fine. But as my body is still healing and is now in pain, I may have get along with decluttering while freebasing ibrofroren......

Long Road

2008-07-03T18:29:00.000-07:00

I had another doctor's appointment today. He said I looked better than last week. I feel about the same, but I'll take his word for it. He also said we are out of the woods as far as monitoring me to see if my condition worsens and that now we're on the road to recovery. He said that road can take 6 months to a year but in time I should be back to Angelique who can move.

The road to recovery means that I will need physical therapy to gain strength to my weakened muscles and occupational therapy to gain my dexterity back. It's going to be tough, but I'm a fighter. And knowing how much worse this disorder could have been, I'll take it.

I had a few moments of self pity yesterday. The stress of the last week had caught up with me and I felt like there was just so much to deal with. There is, but after meeting with the doctor today, I know that is all very manageable and it's going to be okay. After all, I trained for a 10 mile run and completed it under my goal time. If I can do that I can certainly conquer PT and OT and be functional again.

Because I think way to much. This has made me realize that we really never know what is going to happen. 5 weeks ago I was running 3 miles 3 times a week and was able to hold Jack with out whimpering in pain. Today I can barely walk a block. I've set a lot of standards for myself. Standards I haven't lived up to.

This is a new era. I'm going to get my to do list done. I'm going to start living more healthy. This means tossing all of the clutter out my life and my house. I'm going to be more focused on these things. I live in chaos, and I vow no more chaos. It's going to be gone.

I realize none of this is going to happen overnight, and it's going to take a lot of perseverance.

But I've already fought GBS, I can now fight chaos. Karate chop right to the C.

Songs About Inanimate Objects

2008-07-01T17:34:00.000-07:00

Ally's bedtime ritual practically needs a manual. Teeth Brushing, PJ's, 3 stories, prayers, 3 songs, and than a made up story preformed by daddy.

As daunting as the bedtime routine can seem sometimes, I like it. It's special time with us and until recently my favorite part of the whole saga was song time. She would cuddle in arms and ask me to sing her my childhood classics like "Waltzing Matilda", "My Favorite Things", "Somewhere over the Rainbow" and slew of others.

Now at song time I am being taken out of my comfort zone and being asked to perform lullaby improv. The last few nights I have sung songs about ceiling fans, bunk beds, shoes, pacifiers, poop, and windows. Ironically enough all of the songs have almost the same tune. And the same substance

" Poop, Poop, you stink so bad, you come out of body and stink so bad"

"Fan, Fan you go round and round, you keep me cool while I lay on the ground"

"Shoes, Shoes you say on my feet, shoes, shoes you are really neat"

I'm clearly not winning any grammy's this year, however the challenge has been put before me. The challenge actually comes when she asks me to re-sing the songs... Hopefully poop will forgive me when I mix up the words.....

A Little Help From My Friends

2008-06-30T17:36:00.001-07:00

As I mentioned before we have a huge support system here by the name of the Argocrew. And these are the most amazing people I've ever met and have ever been around.

I've been letting everyone know what's been going on via this blog, email and a few frantic phone calls here and there. And the kind words and thoughts that are being sent my and my family's way is like a wave of adrenaline.

There have been a lot of comments on how strong I've been through this ordeal and what a good attitude I've been maintaining. And after some serious thought about it tonight, I think it's because I know I'm not alone. I have about 50 people on call right now, and that's very comforting. And that makes me brave, and strong.

I'm not a mushy person, expressing feelings and emotion is not what I'm about. But today the 30 emails I received from my friends with nothing but well wishes and offers from cleaning my house to cooking me dinner to getting Eddie Vedder for me to lick made me sob like a baby. It all moved me in such a way I almost created a river that I was going to have to swim in.

Ally and Jack are the luckiest kids in the world to be surrounded by such love. The family of friends we have created here in DC is irreplaceable.

You all know who you are, and I thank you. You have all made me speechless with your kindness and you know that must say something!

Diagnosed

2008-06-29T17:19:00.000-07:00

I have been Diagnosed. On Friday while we where driving in the mountains on our way to Pittsburgh to visit my parents, my neurologist left me a voice mail.

My brain looks good, and yes there are in fact a large gnome population residing in it. The large population explains my superior intelligence and well, just general awesomeness. And the MRI showed no signs of MS which is good.

The EMG, also known as the torture me with electricity and needles did confirm that I do have Gillain Barre Syndrome. And carpal tunnel.

Now that we have an answer I'm trying to absorb it all. We are still monitoring me this week to make sure I don't worsen. I feel like my manual dexterity is getting worse, but it's hard for me to know being I haven't been able to figure out things for weeks. My stair climbing ability is not so awesome but the good news is I can climb them. Jason and I are going to time how quickly- now that's funny- I stagger up them to monitor the situation. I'm really hoping I don't end up in the hospital this week because if you've read the website I had on a previous post- NOT FUN!

I'm meeting with the doctor this week to go over some things. It could take me weeks or years to get better. I will also need physical therapy to repair the damage done to my weakened muscles. Before I got sick I was running a lot and had run a few 10 mile races in the last few months. I have a 10 miler in October and I 'd like to run it. But we'll see what happens. Maybe instead I'll host a Gillain- Barre Fun Run and have Eddie Vedder preform, mainly so I can lick him. I hear he has great healing powers.

Jason and I are also figuring stuff out and asking for help. Which if you know me is a huge deal. I'm very independent and like to do things myself. But, being my mobility is very limited, I'm learning that help is what I need. What a growing experience. My parents have Jack this week which will be a huge help. Funny how all of a sudden a 3 year old seems manageable. They also sent us home with dinner for almost every night so I don't have to cook. Our niece is coming in a few weeks to stay for 2 weeks to help with kid juggling and chores. And we'll figure it out from there.

As for my mood. I'm feeling a little down. I'm scared. I already feel like crap and can't imagine what this thing will do to me if it gets worse. I'm also angry. Why does my immune system hate me? Come on, it's supposed to fight germs, not my nerves.

Funny how this blog has become the blog on everything you need to know on an obscure neurological conditional. Stay tuned.

The Inside of My Head

2008-06-26T11:28:00.001-07:00

I had my MRI this morning. Their main focus was to look at my brain and my spinal cord. The MRI wasn't nearly as bad as it was yesterday. I only had one needle today and that was to put some stuff in my body so I'm guessing the could make my organs glow. I keep hoping the stuff will make me pee neon green but no such luck yet. The MRI tube freaked me out a little, but it wasn't bad. Luckily Jack was awake a lot last night so I was able to doze.

I'll probably meet with the Doctor next week to go over the results of all these tests. I didn't really go into detail what they were looking for, because I was still digesting it myself. The doctor ordered the MRI to basically rule out MS. At this point he doesn't think it's MS but the doctor thinks it may be something called Guillain-Barre Syndrome. This is a syndrome in where my immune system may be attacking my peripheral nervous system. Sometimes it just goes away and sometimes a person needs to be admitted for treatment. So if what I have is Guillain Barre Syndrome, we are basically monitoring me to so see if I get worse. Which is more difficult than one would think, because I can't feel my hands or feet, so how do I know?

So basically there are still a lot of questions to be answered, and we should have answers soon. It's just a waiting game basically.

I'm actually surprised at how calm I am. I'm looking at this practically. What else can I do? The one thing I really want though is to see the pictures of my brain. How cool would that be?

So that's it for today. More information pending. Here is a link to information on Guillain-Barre Syndrome: http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/gbs/gbs.htm

Doctor, Doctor

2008-06-25T12:44:00.000-07:00

Well this morning began yet another exciting adventure into our lives. For the last few weeks I've been experiencing a numbness and tingling in my hands and feet. I've also felt my legs becoming very heavy and weak, where walking and well, staying upright has been challenging. Oh that gravity always bringing you down. My knees look like that on an 8 year old boy, all skinned up and oh so pretty. Ally decorates them quite often with Hello Kitty band aids.

Knowing that these symptoms are not normal, I went to my GP a few weeks ago and he drew blood but it all came back normal. So, off to a neurologist I went to this morning. We talked about what was going on, he made me do a few tricks, trying to stand on one foot, the other being walk the sobriety line. I failed. If only I was full of a few martinis first.

He than suggested that we do a few test to rule out a few things and to figure things out. The one test I have tomorrow is your classic MRI to look at my brain. I hope they don't find a whole village of gnomes in there. The other test I had today, an EMG. It was not so awesome.

Jason the brave soul he is, came along with me today. We trekked on the metro to Chevy Chase. To the neurology center up there where we were greeted by a brutish Eastern European woman, who asked to what relation Jason was to me and sent him out of the room. She than had me change into a classy hospital gown and had me lie down where she than proceeded to put electrodes on me and shoot me full of electricity in various places around my arms and legs. And she didn't talk to me the whole time, and when my body jerked with surprise or pain she told me to lie still and relax. RELAX? Really? Tell you what lady, let's switch places and you can relax.

Dr. Shock Electrodes left and there I was alone in the exam room for an hour and half waiting for the second part of my test.

Second part you say? Wasn't being shot with electricity enough? No it really wasn't. This other doctor came in. A nice elderly Mediterranean man who talked nonstop about heroin addicts and psychotics as he poked both of my arms and one of my legs repeatedly with a needle. Just one leg you ask? He felt how weak my one leg was during the process and had a heart to stop. Nice guy.

So that was round one of tests. Like I said tomorrow is the MRI. I looked into and it doesn't look like any torture techniques are going to be involved. I just need to skip breakfast. That could be torture.

So I will post again tomorrow once we figure more out. It's a wierd proccess, but I'm not freaking out about anything yet. And for those who know me, you know that's a huge step.

Afterglow

2008-06-23T11:50:00.000-07:00

My eyelids are heavy and I'm plotting the quickest and fastest way to do my post bedtime chores so I can be in bed at say 8:30 am, but under neath it all I'm cuddling with the sweet afterglow of a declicious weekend.

As I may have mentioned Jason and I have had a couple of bad weeks. And you're probably sick of my whining, at least the 2 readers that read this blog, but you're just going to have to deal with it. But I digress, occasionlly we have little rainbow here and there, and well this weekend was one of them.

Friday was our 10 year wedding anniversary, so to celebrate our brave, brave, brave friend Auntie Christa came and spent the night with the little cherubs while we went spent the night at this really great historic hotel here in DC. Though we weren't very far from our homes or our jobs, those 20 hours of quiet and nothing were bliss. We did nothing. We slept all night. We relaxed. It was glorious and our batteries were recharged for us to step back into the madness. I think that we are going to make these little overnight get-a-ways a little more frequent. I used to think maybe a nice snort of cocaine would be get me going, but I 'm wrong. A full night's sleep is a real upper.

Our children were happy upon our return and of course we were happy to see them. We had in impromptu dinner party where Jason fried some chicken. It was delcious. Sunday was a pool party. Yada, yada yada.

But the grand finale came last night with Jason and I attending a Pearl Jam concert. I got free tickets randomly on Thursday. Right place, right time. If you have never have had the chance to see this band live, I assure you will not be dissapointed! I've listened to Pearl Jam and before last night thought they were okay. But last night's show blew me away. The crowd was sending out engergy and Eddie Vedder absorbed it and gave it back. The band played for 3 hours which is unheard of these days. I tell thee to get yourselves to a Pearl Jam concert now!

Now, It's Monday and i'm still cuddling with Eddie Vedder and the weekend for a few more mintues.

10 Years In The Making

2008-06-19T09:13:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow will mark Jason and my 10 year wedding anniversary. That's right 10 FREAKING years! I can hardly believe it myself.

I become very pensive and thoughtful when it comes to such events. I've been looking at him in a different light this week. I can hardly believe that he's been able to put up with me for 10 years. I can be very difficult to live with. I know some of you may find that hard to believe, but I can be a bit of drama queen.

Our relationship, like all relationships, have not been easy and there have been many, many, many moments when it may be have been easier to call the other person a poopy pants and just walk out the door never to be heard from again, but for what ever reason, we haven't' done that. We've stuck through it, and I'm proud of that.

In a time where it's so easy to call it quits, we haven't'. The last year has been a lot of the Universe taking it's cosmo nervous breakdown out on us, we still somehow smile at the end of the day, knowing that we're still here for each other and we're still together.

Our roles have changed and the chaos has grown. We now have a 3 year old and 9 month old. Those of course have changed our lives drastically. Instead of adventures of being chased through Mexican Jungles our adventures now involve who is going to take what kid at 3 AM when they are both screaming.

I see it as a form of evolution. We're evolving. Adapting as our environment changes. As we change. As those around us change.

As as weird and has hard as things get, I couldn't imagine a better person to evolve with than Jason.

Jesus Rode a Dinosoaur

2008-06-17T10:47:00.001-07:00

There is a group of about 20 of us who hang out regulary. In fact we amuse ourselves so damn much that we created a list serve so we can pass on important information and musings. Though 20 of us meet regularly, about 40 people are on the list serve because well, we just sound so damn awesome. Who wouldn't want to listen to us.

We call our selves the Argo Crew, named after the bar we hang out at regularly-The Argonaut.

And discussions like to today make me want to toungue kiss everyone in this group at once.

Jason: From the classic kids biblical coloring book... awesome.
http://i27.tinypic.com/2h6yet5.jpg

Me: I disagree with the artists interpretation. I really do not see Jesus riding a T-Rex but maybe a Tricertops. I hear they are easier to train.

Gary: I think Jesus will ride aT-Rex at the second coming -- it's easier to separate sheep from the goats with at T-Rex.

Katie: Why not ride a Pteranodon so he could fly? Question...aren't dinosaurs bigger than the ark?

Christa: Maybe they took 2 dinosaur eggs of each type. Jesus raised them from babies, which is why he was able to ride the otherwise ferocious T-rex. Or, the fossil records are also wrong about the size of dinos, and they were much smaller.Wonder if they have Jesus riding a dinosaur here? http://www.theholylandexperience.com/All amusement parks should have a dinosaur ride.

Sarah: Well, clearly that's a miniature T-rex...unless Jesus grows to enormous proportions when it is time for dinosaur riding.

KJ: Maybe he's a grow in water Jesus - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dd9PuoPpOK8

And now you too want to join the list serve right? Or at least ride a dinosaur.

Paris Clampett Goes Down River

2008-05-29T06:12:00.000-07:00

My parents have in the past few years have become avid kayakers. They go on the water quite a bit and I love seeing them show such vigor interest in an activity as they prepare for retirement. Though, the idea of my mom outdoors does hold some fascination for me. She always looks stunning and never leaves the house with out her hair or make up done.

Recently on a trip to Savannah, Georgia the two worlds collided. My parents took a kayaking trip with some friends and their boat tipped. In talking to my mom it wasn't the camera or any of the gear that she feared getting wet or lost, it wasnt' the fear of thier heads being smacked of rocks as they were taken down river, it was the fact she had lost her lip gloss, lip gloss that was a recent gift from a friend.

Relaying the story to me my mom says " And of all the things to lose, I lost my lip gloss!" I told Paris Hilton to take it down a notch.

My mom's response "But it wasn't just any lip gloss, it was Chicken Poop lip gloss!"

And just than Paris Hilton flew out of my mom's body and was replaced buy Jed Clampett.

Look What Me Did!

2008-05-05T18:28:00.000-07:00

Above is the first teamwork art project that Ally and I completed. There were no power struggles and we both left the project happier and better people than what we came in- I did this with her after just that morning running a 10 mile race. Yes, I am the woman!

I picked up the clothes-pin people kit a while ago, and found it recently. Ally very carefully followed directions and was truly pumped about her princesses, but the mermaid one is truly the masterpiece. As we glued on the shell Ally pointed out "This one is very special."

Ally wanted her creations to move into her sorority house, I mean doll house, but it's already way to crowded with about 20 other princesses, so I was able to convince her these pieces of art would look best in a shadowbox in her room.

Hopefully years from now she'll cherish them and not say "Clothes pin dolls? Where you to cheap for plastic ones?"

It's Jaaaaaaack!

2008-05-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

I realized upon looking over my last few entries one may assume that I only have one child. That the elusive Jack I mention here and there could be the dog or an imaginary person I just made up.

No indeed Jack is real. He is another wise known as Ally's little brother.

Jack just turned 8 months this past Monday and I can't believe how time has flown. Has it really been 8 months? He is the most perfect boy baby I've ever seen.

I've been struggling with some things regarding Jack. Not him but things with me being his mom. With Ally I was home with her for year, so I was lucky enough to breathe in every moment of her first year of life. But alas, when she was a year old we made the decision that it was best if I went back to work full time. Which is where I am now.

I had a very generous maternity leave of 4 months and I was able to work from home for some time. But now I'm back to the office 40 hours a week, and my time with Jack is snippets here and there. And honestly, it's breaking my heart.

When I'm near him the world is just a better place. He loves to cuddle and be held close and his smile could melt a glacier. His laugh is amazing and he began crawling this week, so watch out world! He's a mobile one!

When I'm with him I realize and know all the things I'm missing with him. And I wish I could just stop time and keep him little and with me always. His babiness is just going away to fast, and I'm away too much.

This post has become far more sappy than I intended. I realized that now as I sit hear with giant tears and sobs and my arms longing for that little bundle of giggles and smiles.

I never saw myself as the stay at home mom type, but maybe just maybe I am.....

The Things You Say..

2008-05-02T08:29:00.000-07:00

For those of you who deem your lives boring and meaningless, I suggest getting yourself a 3 year old. I'm telling you there is no entertainment like one.

Since Ally's third birthday, it appears as if we've turned a corner. We've left whiny toddlerdome behind and have entered the high engergy charged world of preschooler. The world is her domain and she is here to conquer.

Along with this new conquistador behaivor has come some awesome conversation. I honeslty wish I could record everything that comes out of Ally's mouth, because just when I think that she can't out do herself, she does. And I want to put all of these moments in a jar and keep them forever.

Some of my favorite moments over that last few days:
Ally screaming at the top of her lungs at breakfast, Jack begins to cry.
Us: Ally, please do not scream like that. It hurst Jacks ears!
Ally begins to cry.
Ally: Well it hurts my ears when he cries like that!

She and I went to the zoo the other day and the cheetahs were running around. It was a brisk morning.
Ally: Why are the running?
Me: Maybe they are cold?
Ally: Well they need warmer coats!

We often go to the playground after school and last night she wasn't ready to go home. She wanted to create more sidewalk chalk art, but alas we had to go.
Ally: I don't want to go home.
Me: Do you want to walk or ride?
Ally: I don't want to walk or ride. I want to fly.
Me: You want to fly?
Ally: Yes, but I don't have my wings yet. I'll have them soon.
Me:Where are you getting your wings?
Ally: At the store. I want green ones.
Me:Where are you going to fly to?
Ally: To the tops of the treeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss.

And that is just a sampling! I am not going to staple my journal to my wrist so I can write all this down and never miss a beat.

Or store it that jar...

My IQ is now 5

2008-05-01T08:04:00.000-07:00

I am now thankful we don't have cable. Because well, I get sucked into plenty of mindless television shows with out it.

After my chores were done and the kiddies were in bed, I sat down with all good intentions to increase my IQ by reading my book club book, but instead I turned on the TV and CW blessed me with an hour long train wreck.

Said Train wreck? The television premiere of Farmer Wants a Wife. I honestly couldn't look away.

The premise is we have this farmer countery boy who works on his family farm and desprately wants a wife to pop out a few units. He can't find no small town lovn' cus all the small town babes have hooked up with there a high school sweethearts and have all ready pounded out some prodigy. So, Farmer Matt- that's his name- decides to hook up w. some reality show producers and fly him in 10 "City" girls to fight for his attentions.

We cut to scence where the city girls are flwon into BFE Missouri and than school bused, that's right I said school bused- to the farm where our hero rides into the picture shirtless on his tractor. The babes are smitten and here the competition begins.

We Josie who askes the hostess of the home they are staying in if they have maid service. She also deems the other girls "working class" later on in the show when they particpate in a chicken cooping competition to get the farmer.

We have Brooke the nanny who just loves the farmer and just wants to be his wife so bad. Did I mention she's a virgin? Oh and she's no the only one. There is one more there in the pack.

The whole show was a fiasco, yet I couldn't look away.... By the end of the show I was like YEE HAW! I could so be the farmers wife....

But than again I share the same fear of Stephanie, the city babe who was afraid the chickens were going to peck her eyes out..... But than how would I see who became the farmers wife?

Bag This........

2008-04-28T12:07:00.000-07:00

So in our effort to cut down on our carbon footprint, we've been trying to switch from dreaded plastic bags to eco friendly reusable bags. Unfortunately, being I live in what one might call a "transitonal" neighborhood, carbon footprints don't really seem to matter.

I went to our locally wonderfully rennovated ghetto supermarket a few days ago excited about using my eco friendly reusable bags. I thought I just looked too cool with my enviro-bags and my "Don't Worry Earth- I'm here to save you" attitude. After a while of filling my cart with delectable treats it came time to check out. I proudly presented my beautiful bags to the check-out lady. She looked at them and looked at me. The look was as though "What? Our wasteful plastic bags are too good for you white girl" She proceeded to put my items into the plastic bags than place those into my eco-friendly bags. It was like good vs. evil as the plastic touched the sides of my my recylce re-usable bags. Evil winning burning the sides of good with plastic acid.

But oh you UnSafeways of Safeways, Me and my eco-friendly bags will be back to your carbon filled aisles, and next time, you will bag it my way........

It's Duster, Buster!

2008-04-10T11:32:00.000-07:00

We have a new family member. He appeared to us on Sunday Afternoon as Ally stared out of the window into our patio and said "My friend Duster lives out there".

Duster is Ally's first imaginary friend. He lives on our patio under the canoe, he's a dog/cat, he's pink, and his favorite food is tofu.

These are the moments I crave having a kid around.

You're THREE!

2008-03-16T23:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Ally:

Yesterday was your third birthday. You are growing into a beautiful and inquisitive little girl. Watching your mind develop had been amazing and I want to thank you for giving me this opportunity to watch you grow and for inviting me into your big world.

The past year has not been an easy one for you. You've gone through a lot of changes.In August your world as an only child ended as your little brother came into this world. And though you embrace your new title as BIG SISTER you can't help resenting it sometimes too. You are very sweet to your little brother, but somtimes his little body looks too much like a chair, or his little ears need a good tugging. You're just doing your job.

While I was on materinty leave we took you out of school so we could hang out. We had many adventures and taught and are still teaching me so much.

One of the most profound momenst of that time is when We, along with Sienas' mommy and her little brother went to the Capitol building in October to see the Dalai Llama. You and Sienna chased each other on the Capitol grounds, and I was convinced the most you got out of that day was some good exercise. But 3 days later, as we were walking to the playground you looked up at me and said "Momma, what is the Dalai Lama doing right now?" I think I made up something like he's brushing his teeth. You seemed pleased with that. But as we were eating our lunch you looked at me and said "The Dalai Lama is eating his lunch and is going to take a nap too." It was such an amazing moment.

You're recognizig those around you more and choosing your favorite people. You are currently obsessed with princesses and I'm still figuring out how to deal with this. But hey if sleeping in Tiara makes you happy and brings you peace maybe more people should try it!

I treasure our time together and am looking foward to so many more years of amazing you.

I love you Ally Gator!

Momma.

Notes on a Scandal

2008-03-11T05:05:00.000-07:00

I know I usually write funny stories on my kids and myself but something is bugging me this morning.

Yes, I live in Washington, DC. A city that is no stranger to scandals and the fall of morals. Yes, it is a city of corruption and power. And as scandals break all the time, I'm either mildly amused by them or I just ignore them.

Yesterday the story broke on the prostitution ring that the Governor of New York was involved in and of course the story has ties in Washington. But that's not whats bugging me.

On the news they showed pictures of the Mayflower Hotel here in town where many of the illicit activities took place. And they showed photos of the Governors family. And to my horror, there he was with his wife and 3 daughters. 3 daughters. 3 girls. And he was involved in a prostitution ring, exploiting other people's daughters. Other girls. And there he was with his 3 daughters.

As a mother of a beautiful girl this angers me. It angers me how the father of 3 daughters, who no doubt has nixed the job of prostitute for his own girls has not problem using other ladies, who turns out are daughters of someone else.

Raising a girl is tough. There are so many pressures on them and so many awful things that can happen to them. I'm beat myself up on on a daily basis wondering if I said or did the wrong thing to Ally that could start her life in a downward spiral of drug abuse or promiscuity. And than I realize, she's only 3 and it's going to be okay.

Yet, I find myself wanting to protect her. Wanting to guide her to be a strong girl. We've recently found ourselves in princess hell where Ally loves the princesses. And all the princesses meet prince charming and fall in love and get married. And as it turns out, most of the princesses are married at 16. But I add anecdotes like, well first Cinderella got her PhD in Biotechnology and after she reached tenure and the won the Nobel prize for all of her research, than she got married. I want my daughter to have strong values. And I try not to contradict those by trying to be strong woman myself.

I have Jack, and I worry about him too, I want him to have good values and to get his PhD too. I don't have double standards. Boys have social pressures too.

And than there's that guy. The Governor of New York, who I'm sure wants good for his daughters, yet exploits women at the same time.

We live in world of double standards, and I guess this is my vow to try and raise my kids to be the opposite of those standards. To be strong individuals.

And in the meantime, to the daughters of the Governor. I'm so sorry.

Mary had a WHAT?

2008-03-07T08:26:00.000-08:00

Ally has been doing her own mashups lately, capitalizing on the most recent trends within the entertainment industry amongst the toddler set. Just this morning she was laying down some dope gospel on top of a trippy lulabye backbeat...

< tune - mary had a little lamb >
Mary, had a Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ
Mary, had a Jesus Christ
Mary had a Vagina

And well, it's all true.

Party Hats

2008-01-06T13:17:00.000-08:00

It's 6 Am. Ally has decided that sleep is no longer necessary as she stands next to me and screams I"M DONE MOMMY IT"S MORNING AND I"M DONE! Which translates into sleep is no longer necessary for her no matter how necessary it is for me.

Her baby brother has also now decided that he is done sleeping. More so the decision has been made for him as his sister climbs into his co-sleeper and sits on his head.

Mom: Ally Get off your brothers Head!

Ally: No He likes when I sit on it!

Mom: No, He does not like it when you sit on his head.

Ally: Well, I like it! I like that party Hat!

And so begins another Dr. Suess day.

2008- That's Our Year

2008-01-05T11:03:00.000-08:00

That was also my theme of 2007. I decided with all the crap and good stuff of 2007 I broke even. This year I've decided is going to be all good. Good things are going to happen.

I've given my personal motto for 2008 to be Decluttering. I've decided I'm going to declutter this house as well as my mind. Yes, it's going to be a good year of getting rid of all the baggage and nonsense that holds us down.

This is the year we get our act together. I've joined Weight Watchers and signed up to do a 10 mile run in April. I went for my first big run this morning- 3 miles and it almost killed me, but I finished it and am ready to run again. This is the year I get my body together.

This is the year we tackle all those demons that scare us and that have been holding us down. This is our year.

Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on 2008. Maybe I'm expecting too much to happen. But as I'm learning, nothing good ever came to those who just sat around waiting for it to happen. They made it happen. And this is what I plan to do.

Conversations from the Potty

2008-01-05T10:50:00.000-08:00

It was 5 AM when Ally woke me up because she had to use the potty. As we sat there on the toilet in the early morning hours we saw an ant crawling on the floor- why we saw an ant in January I don't know but we did.

The following conversation followed:

Ally: There is ant.

Me: Where is he going?

Ally: To the work.

Me: Where does he work?

Ally: At the hospital.

Me: Is he a doctor?

Ally: No Mom, he's a baby ant.

I should have known. What else would an ant work as at a hospital?

Trick or Treating with Lindsay Lohan

2007-11-01T11:27:00.000-07:00

It was Halloween yesterday which means TRICK OR TREATING. I dressed up Ally as a witch for and she, her father, her baby brother and I set off for an evening of begging for candy.

This was Ally's second try at Trick or Treating. She was only 18 months last year and I entrusted her to the 2 year old daughter of another friend as they led each other down dark pathways to sugary delights. This year Ally and Taylor were old hats at the tradition.

I let Ally have a piece of candy at our first house, which was probably a mistake because once she got a taste of the delicious chocolaty taste, she was hooked. Addicted. Every time she got a piece of candy she would beg with me "Please Mommy I want the Candy" (Is now the time for me to say that I was doing my best Brittney imitation by starting off the evening by having 3 glasses of champagne w. a friend at a pumpkin carving party).

Well, we were able to get the sweet sugar from her, but this took a stint of putting ALly in Detox. One day at time baby, one day at time.

The day began this morning as she screamed from her bed "I WANT CANDY" I thought to myself, oh no, we may need to send her to that awesome rehab center in Utah. I could use a vacation. Luckily we were able to wean her off the sauce. Until next year...

Note: The photo is from last Halloween until I get my lazy self to put an updated one up!

Raising Her Right.....

2007-11-01T11:22:00.000-07:00

As we cruise down the highway I hear a little voice behind me demanding song requests. Our latest obsession has been The Beatles. Sure The Beatles are all right. But well, it's just not enough attitude for me.

But my little music student made her momma proud when she said " I wanna hear The Boss! The Boss is Cool!" and as I placed Bruce Springsteen in the player, my heart filled with pride as my 2 year old diva screamed " I love The Boss! He is so cool!"

Oh my lovely student, we are going to get along just fine....

Personality Conflict

2007-10-08T11:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Ally:

As I write this you're 2 and a half. As you read this your 13 and we've had a major argument. You're probably mad at me because I won't let you wear whatever their wearing now or go wherever you're going.

Today as I write this your 2 and half self is having a tantrum in your room crib. You've been having tantrums all morning. I wouldn't let you play with the baby wipes. I wouldn't let you hit your new baby brother. I kissed you. I touched you. Whatever it has been it's been a rough day. And our personalities our clashing. I want you to go my way and you want me to go yours. Neither one of us wants to give in. We both want to win.

I'm sure your 13 year old self is going through a lot of changes. Your 2 year old self has been through a lot too. You had a new baby brother 6 weeks ago. We decided to take you out of daycare and you're home with me. This week we're in Pittsburgh visiting your Mimi and Pop Pop. It's been a Topsy turvy world and no doubt you're confused and well that would make anyone a little cranky. I know it does me whenever my world changes.

Today has been a rough day. Like as you read this, your tears do bring me pain. Your 2 year old self's tears also bring me pain. As we have our personality conflicts and our power struggles, as you fight me, I want nothing more than to take you in my arms and hold you. I want to rock you and hold you tight and not let you go. I want your pain to be my pain. Because for you, I would take that. Your smiles and laughter are more valuable to than any thing.

But we struggle to find that balance. To find that place where we both are happy.

You're 2 year old self is napping now. I wait for you to wake up and give you a giant hug. To see your smiles and to play with you. To let you know that it's all going to be okay. And for us to find that balance again. For us to find the rhythm of the wheel that makes up both feel safe and content.

As you read this, I'm waiting for your 13 year old self to come out of your room. And like your 2 year old self I know that we'll love each other and come to some sort of understanding.

We have done this dance before, and no doubt we'll do it again. But hopefully our next dance we'll have more patience and understanding. As we've been doing this for a long time.

With all my love,

Your Mother.

True Terror

2007-09-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

My blog has, yes been lacking entries. But I have a good excuse. On August 28, 2007 our beautiful son Jack graced our lives with his entry into the world. And it was not an easy entry.

I've been scared. I've been the pure adrenaline scared when I went cliff jumping a few years ago. I've been to haunted houses and the crazy goat man terrorized me with his evil menace. My husband and I were living here in DC during 9/11 and that was a scary time. But on August 28 I learned what it was to be truly terrified.

Our second little one decided that he wanted to be very, very late. And being pregnant in August is no picnic. Because our little one was 2 weeks late that meant I needed to be induced. We went into the hospital on Sunday night very excited that sometime on Monday we would be holding our little bundle of blue joy in our arms.

We checked into the hospital and they started me in my induction process. My husband and I settled in. We got a decent night sleep which was unusual being we were at the hospital Monday morning came and I was still only dilated 1 cm. They started me on ptosin at about 11 AM. At 3 pm the contractions were becoming really intense and at last the relief of sweet epidural. Though my contractions were on the magnitude of a huge earthquake I was only 4 cm. The doctor stared talking C-section which I was adamantly against. So we waited...

At 6 pm I was 5 cm. Talk of the c-word started again.. At 8 pm I was 8 cm. Finally at 9:30 pm I was 10 and could start pushing. I was so excited to finally meet my little guy....

But alas, he was not going to meet us so easily. I pushed for 2 and a half hours to no avail. Jack did not want to come out. At this point his heartbeat was racing and it was becoming clear he had to come out as soon as possible. Respecting my birth plan my doctor told me we would do forceps, vacuum and if he still was not coming we would have to do a c-section. I had been in labor so long at this point my epidural had worn off. It wasn't pleasant.

The forceps failed, but finally after the second vacuum attempt, Jack was out. But he wasn't crying- and the fear took over my body. I saw them take him to infant area of the delivery room as the NICU team raced in. But that sound a new parent waits to hear was not echoing the room. I was screaming "Why isn't he crying?" My OB told me the cord had been wrapped around his neck and he had breathed in some amniotic fluid. And than at last I heard his beautiful cry. I was able to hold him for a few brief seconds before the doctors took him to NICU to observe him. Jack had to stay in there for a week. Once his breathing stabilized and they could take him off the respirator. But he had to stay for observation for infection as his white blood cell count was high. He also developed Jaundice and had to be under the burger lamp. But that was the least of our worries.

I hardly ever left his side that week.

That was 6 weeks ago. He's home now and is a very healthy boy. The other night I put my face close to his as I often do, and as we shared the same air, I thanked the universe for my beautiful boy and for the air we both share.

Raising Amy Whinehouse

2007-08-20T08:11:00.000-07:00

As my little princess awoke this morning, I noticed her little beehive hair do that had made in her sleep and as I was not greeted with good morning, but "Nooooooo, Nooooooooo, Noooooooo" instead, I wondered when Amy Winehouse moved in and my 2 year old moved out....

A simple No! used to do when asked something, but as Ally develops more soul, she makes it more clear of what it is she doesn't want.

"Put your monkey shirt on"

"Nooooo, Noooooo, Nooooooooo"

"Please eat your eggs"

"Noooooo, Nooooo, Nooooo"

"Bathtime!"

"I don't want a bath, Nooo, Noooo, Noooo"

I just hope at this rate, we stick to virgin apple juice martini's and that rehab is a "Noooo, Nooooooo, Nooooooooo"

Compromises

2007-08-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

As parents of a 2.5 year old we are being trained as mediators. Every day is a new battle and a new compromise. I'm starting to run out of ideas!

The latest compromise is in the evenings when she changes after school and can't find the underwear she wants to wear, she wants to wear a swimsuit. The swimsuit than leads to the next compromise which is bath time. We love to swim in the pool but hate the bathtub. So she wears her swimsuit into the bath pool. Which makes bath time interesting as we stuff soap down her swimsuit.

I can only imagine the compromises to be in our future.

Daddy's Gone to Mexico

2007-08-15T07:15:00.000-07:00

For the past 2 weeks we have been running VERY late in the morning. This results in giving Jason a ride to the metro on our way to school.

But apparently Daddy doesn't go to work. As Ally puts it as we're leaving " We take Daddy to Mexico!" I would like to go to Mexico too.

Stolen Moments

2007-08-15T06:54:00.000-07:00

It was 3 AM when Ally came into our bed last night. She doesn't wake up often in the middle of the night, but when she does it's just easier to lay her in between us. Her little body just feel so good curled up to ours, though it usually involves a foot in the eye, a finger in the ear or a mid night serenade of vegetables or where is thumbkin.

As she laid beside me last night I leaned over and kissed her cheek waiting for the usual "NO! MOMMY DON"T KISS ME!' but instead was surprised. She turned her head and gave me a smile and kissed me 3 times on the lips and said " I love you mommy" and than settled into the crook of my arm and went to sleep.

That moment made 3 AM totally worth getting up for.