My brain can often be a scary place where neurons bounce and dance around in complete random array. And this random bouncing around can result in some truly random thought process. Which the snow has inspired more bitterness and randomness than usual. I feel this paragraph is needed before you read any further.
So the biggest topic of at the moment is snow removal. My husband being all practical and stuff and thinks something like lasers will get rid of those snow mounds that will be here until July. And my response was yhea- Woolly Mammoths with lasers on their heads... Which resulted in a blank stare. Dude, come on- Woolly Mammoths with freaking lasers!
And than it hit me. Woolly Mammoths are big. And well Woolly Mammoth poop all over the city could even be more damaging than giant snow mounds...
So, I was like, hmmm something that will eat snow. And my biggest genius moment of the week is snow, ice eating zombies, that are repulsed by human flesh- I would call them Freezbies.
However, my friend brought up a very good point, what would happen once the ice and snow is gone- would they turn to dine on the brains of the city that once welcomed there presence? And I thought about putting a salt that had an ingredient in it that would make them allergic to human flesh, but how do you make something that is already dead allergic to something that is alive?
So after a long silence, my response was, magic. Cus well aren't' ice eating zombies already some kind of magic?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Snowmagaddeaon
Okay, I'm in hell, and in case you were wondering, it has indeed frozen over.
The first blizzard hit us Friday bringing us 20 inches of glorious white stuff. No, not cocaine, but snow. Lots and lots of snow. So we spent the weekend mostly inside venturing out here and there to build a snow fort, watched lots of movies courtesy of our new DVD Netflix streamer. We bonded. And than we fell apart.
And than just when were were feeling safe enough to come out,safe enough to go on with our lives. Mother Nature apparently was having a bad day, and dumped another 14 inches on us. Yeah.
In case you're not very good at math, that's a lot of fucking snow.
And, I don't want to complain, because though when looking out of the window, it looked like a Siberian wasteland. Unlike my parents, and many others we had power and were warm.
But because I am a cynic. I would like to point out some of the lessons learned this week.
1. Yes, I grew up in Pittsburgh, yes it's freaking cold there. That doesn't mean I like the cold, and it doesn't mean I should naturally be all able to tough it out. I hate ice, I hate cold, that is why I went to college in Texas. This is also why, with the exception of Seattle because that is a rain forest, will be the farthest north I ever live.
2.After watching hours and hours of Calliou, a PBS kids show about a kid and his family and the trials of being a big brother, I've come to the conclusion that Calliou's dad is a complete douchebag. And I have to hear his dad sing "Eggs, milk, flour and sugar, put them in a bowl and mix them all together"- I'm going to stab my eardrum.
3. I like having my job at my job. I like working 9-5 and when I leave work, I leave it at work. This past week was one of our busiest work weeks where we had meetings scheduled. And just because I blizzard hit us, didn't' stop the meetings. We had them all via conference call. They went surprisingly well, but on top of trying to keep the children from going all Lord of the Flies, I worked 12 hour days. I do need to put a shout out to Jason here who took the children out to various friends houses,and took the brunt of children while I worked and hid from the snow. I mean while I was passed out drunk....
4. Eggs and milk are not what you need to stock up on during a blizzard. It's wine, good cheese and toilet paper is what you need. It might be snowing outside, but it's so much prettier when you're on the sauce.
5. That though there is a giant pile of laundry, dishes to wash, and a house that needs cleaned, being snowed in for an entire week doesn't inspire you to do any of those things. What it does inspire you to do, is to sit in front of the t.v. and space out.
None of those lessons are inspiring or even funny. But the snow has made me bitter. And long for sunshine. In fact, the minute it gets sunny and warm, and you can't find me- I'd look for a large rock. Because I'm going to be basking on it, naked, in the sun trying to forget this dark, snowy time.
The first blizzard hit us Friday bringing us 20 inches of glorious white stuff. No, not cocaine, but snow. Lots and lots of snow. So we spent the weekend mostly inside venturing out here and there to build a snow fort, watched lots of movies courtesy of our new DVD Netflix streamer. We bonded. And than we fell apart.
And than just when were were feeling safe enough to come out,safe enough to go on with our lives. Mother Nature apparently was having a bad day, and dumped another 14 inches on us. Yeah.
In case you're not very good at math, that's a lot of fucking snow.
And, I don't want to complain, because though when looking out of the window, it looked like a Siberian wasteland. Unlike my parents, and many others we had power and were warm.
But because I am a cynic. I would like to point out some of the lessons learned this week.
1. Yes, I grew up in Pittsburgh, yes it's freaking cold there. That doesn't mean I like the cold, and it doesn't mean I should naturally be all able to tough it out. I hate ice, I hate cold, that is why I went to college in Texas. This is also why, with the exception of Seattle because that is a rain forest, will be the farthest north I ever live.
2.After watching hours and hours of Calliou, a PBS kids show about a kid and his family and the trials of being a big brother, I've come to the conclusion that Calliou's dad is a complete douchebag. And I have to hear his dad sing "Eggs, milk, flour and sugar, put them in a bowl and mix them all together"- I'm going to stab my eardrum.
3. I like having my job at my job. I like working 9-5 and when I leave work, I leave it at work. This past week was one of our busiest work weeks where we had meetings scheduled. And just because I blizzard hit us, didn't' stop the meetings. We had them all via conference call. They went surprisingly well, but on top of trying to keep the children from going all Lord of the Flies, I worked 12 hour days. I do need to put a shout out to Jason here who took the children out to various friends houses,and took the brunt of children while I worked and hid from the snow. I mean while I was passed out drunk....
4. Eggs and milk are not what you need to stock up on during a blizzard. It's wine, good cheese and toilet paper is what you need. It might be snowing outside, but it's so much prettier when you're on the sauce.
5. That though there is a giant pile of laundry, dishes to wash, and a house that needs cleaned, being snowed in for an entire week doesn't inspire you to do any of those things. What it does inspire you to do, is to sit in front of the t.v. and space out.
None of those lessons are inspiring or even funny. But the snow has made me bitter. And long for sunshine. In fact, the minute it gets sunny and warm, and you can't find me- I'd look for a large rock. Because I'm going to be basking on it, naked, in the sun trying to forget this dark, snowy time.
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