Separation Anxeity

Dear Ally:

Today was your first day of pre-school. We have spent much time preparing for it. Telling you all about all the new friends you're going to meet, going and getting your new school supplies- everything pink. A pink Hello Kitty Backpack, a pink princess lunch box and of course pink sequined shoes. We had to jazz up your uniform a little bit, as you do shine so bright.

I took the day off for this momentous occasion. Yesterday we laid your uniform out, labeled everything you own with a sharpie, baked cookies and packed your lunch. We were all set.

You woke up this morning with much energy and excitement on putting on your new uniform and pink sparkly shoes. We packed your back pack, loaded your brother into the stroller and began the 5 block journey.

The cafeteria was insanity with over 200 excited kids and anxious parents. You held on to my hand and kept looking up at me with those giant eyes full of fear and excitement. Finally they called your class and we went up to meet your teacher, you kept asking me "Are you going to stay?" I told you I would as long as I could. We all marched to your classroom where we hung up your back pack and you had to pick a letter to sit on. I placed you next to a girl named Ella, her mother and I were in the same birthing class when we were pregnant with you and her, and her mother and I decided that you should be letter friends. You and Ella gripped hands as though you've been best friends forever.

Your teacher seemed very nice as she explained the day, and told all of us that there would be tears and that it would all be okay. You kept looking back at me to make sure I was still there.

It was now time for your class to line up and go to art class. The parents followed and at a certain point, there were double doors that your class went through, but the parents just stopped and watched as you all were led on. You were crying and the teacher had to pick you up. I wanted to go to you, hold you and tell you it was all going to be okay, but I knew this was an adventure, the first of many, that you had to do on your own.

I cried on the way home. Not because I just left you in the hands of complete strangers I'm entrusting to teach you not only the alphabet, but life skills. I cried because, you my amazing girl, are growing up. You don't need me in the same ways you once did. And though infancy was a huge challenge for both of us, I shudder at the new challenges that are being set before us. Did I buy you the right back pack? Should I have packed you one more piece of fruit? Did I give you the right skills to stand up for yourself?

This is just the beginning of many questions I'll ask in the raising of you. There are so many things I wish for you, but the main thing I wish for you is to be happy.

So my beautiful girl, I will sit in anxiety for the next 6 hours until I pick you up and hear about your day.

I love you Allison Rose, and am so proud of you for so many reasons.

Love,

Your Mama