Dear Ally:
As I write this you're 2 and a half. As you read this your 13 and we've had a major argument. You're probably mad at me because I won't let you wear whatever their wearing now or go wherever you're going.
Today as I write this your 2 and half self is having a tantrum in your room crib. You've been having tantrums all morning. I wouldn't let you play with the baby wipes. I wouldn't let you hit your new baby brother. I kissed you. I touched you. Whatever it has been it's been a rough day. And our personalities our clashing. I want you to go my way and you want me to go yours. Neither one of us wants to give in. We both want to win.
I'm sure your 13 year old self is going through a lot of changes. Your 2 year old self has been through a lot too. You had a new baby brother 6 weeks ago. We decided to take you out of daycare and you're home with me. This week we're in Pittsburgh visiting your Mimi and Pop Pop. It's been a Topsy turvy world and no doubt you're confused and well that would make anyone a little cranky. I know it does me whenever my world changes.
Today has been a rough day. Like as you read this, your tears do bring me pain. Your 2 year old self's tears also bring me pain. As we have our personality conflicts and our power struggles, as you fight me, I want nothing more than to take you in my arms and hold you. I want to rock you and hold you tight and not let you go. I want your pain to be my pain. Because for you, I would take that. Your smiles and laughter are more valuable to than any thing.
But we struggle to find that balance. To find that place where we both are happy.
You're 2 year old self is napping now. I wait for you to wake up and give you a giant hug. To see your smiles and to play with you. To let you know that it's all going to be okay. And for us to find that balance again. For us to find the rhythm of the wheel that makes up both feel safe and content.
As you read this, I'm waiting for your 13 year old self to come out of your room. And like your 2 year old self I know that we'll love each other and come to some sort of understanding.
We have done this dance before, and no doubt we'll do it again. But hopefully our next dance we'll have more patience and understanding. As we've been doing this for a long time.
With all my love,
Your Mother.
